Monday, December 1, 2008

The home test

It has been a while since my first post. This is actually a lot harder then i thought it would be. I have been volunteering with an adoption agency recently and they sent me home with a movie to watch that has reminded me of many of my experiences during my pregnancy and adoption that I feel compelled to share. I think I'll first tell about the time I found out I was pregnant.

I was living in Utah with my aunt and uncle. I had messed up with this guy I had been dating off and on and I sat him down and told him if we were going to have a physical relationship we were going to have to be dating officially. At the time I would not be his girlfriend in hopes to curb our physical relationship but it hadn't worked. He told me he could not commit to me because he wanted to see what would happen between him and one of my best friends he had been spending a lot of time with. I was so upset and I threw him out of my house. Being that upset I didn't know what to do or where to turn. So I called my mother and told her what had happened between me and M. She took it better then I expected.

The next day my mother called and told me she had talked to my dad and he had bought a plane ticket for me to come home while she was gone the night before. I had to pack up my things and be at the airport by 3 PM. So I packed up. Called M and told him I was leaving. When I stepped off the plane I did not know that I was pregnant and I felt so much like the prodigal daughter. Although my father welcomed me home with open arms I still felt like I was walking in with my tail between my legs. Every one in my family knew why I was home and it wasn't a happy thing. I felt a huge disappointment from my parents and didn't feel like anyone was glad to have me back. That is until I walked into my sister's room who I would be sharing a room with through my experience. She had decorated the room with welcome home signs and little cards of encouragement that I still have to this day 5 years later. It was just what I needed at the time.....a little out pouring of obvious love.

I was home for a week and then I was supposed to have my period. When it was late I was a little uneasy but kept telling myself not to freak out because it would come. Every day I waited with much anxious anticipation only to find disappointment and reality starring me in the face every night. The day that was supposed to be the last day of my period I was at a Halloween party with my good friend and her boyfriend (it was October 31st). I got her alone in the living room away from the black lights and noise and told her what I thought might be going on inside my body. She soon made an excuse for us to leave the party and go home. On our way we stopped at Safeway and told her boyfriend we wanted to pick out Pillsbury cookie mix to make cookies before we parted ways. We sent him to get the cookies dough and we headed off to decided between the many brands of pregnancy tests.

We got home and began to make the cookies. We had a good time but every second dragged on as all I could think about doing was running to the bathroom to show myself I was just being paranoid. They finally left my house and I walked upstairs to my room and grabbed the home pregnancy test from it's hiding spot under my mattress. I took the box to the bathroom and read the directions as carefully as I could word for word. I was so nervous that I would do it wrong and what I was feeling deep down inside would become a reality. I followed the directions and waited. Finally I looked at the stick and there was a pink plus showing it was positive for a pregnancy. I felt as if the world had stopped around me in that moment. I didn't know what I was going to do. I put the test away to ask my friend about later and I went to bed.

That is all for now because I need to go to bed tonight. But trust me...there is more to come very soon. The story of finding out I was pregnant is far from over.