Monday, January 24, 2011

United by Love: Facebook Birth Parent Group

I am very excited about this! LDS Family Services has provided a birth parent support group over the phone for the last year. I have been involved in this support group and it is a good thing. They are trying to make it more accessible to birth parents every where so it is moving to facebook! I have found that one of the BEST ways to deal with the grief of being a birth parent is to talk about it! Really! As I talk about my feelings and release all the bottled up emotions I feel a release and a peace that is so healing! Also it helps me to bond with other birth parents going through similar things! It reminds me that I am not the only one who has experienced what I have experienced. As a birth mother, and especially if you are a recent birth mother or one who has not been able to talk and express your emotions, support from others is key! What a wonderful thing to realize you are a member of a sisterhood of wonderful women who have made the same heartbreaking/selfless decision you have! Please go read the United by Love blog and join the facebook chat! What a blessing the support group it!

United by Love: Facebook Birth Parent Group

The support group will be held every 4th Thursday of the month on facebook. Search “LDSFS Expectant Parent/Birth Parent Support Group” and request to join because it will be a closed group (for obvious reasons). The dates of the group are are listed below. If you have any questions, please contact Shannon Lyon at 801-240-3096 or at

Jan 27

Feb 24

Mar 31

Apr 28

May 26

June 30

July 28

Aug 25

Sept 29

Oct 27

Nov 17

Dec 29

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The R house giveaway

The R House is an adoption blog that I highly recommend you read. I check in on it and I think it is great! Mrs. R, who is the author of the blog is doing a giveaway to the Blue Lemon restaurant in Salt Lake City. Although I don't live there I think it would be great for my sister and her husband who are expecting a baby any day now. To enter the contest we need to blog about the giveaway! Check!

Go Read her blog and follow her on twitter at therhouse! Way to go Adoption! Enjoy!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

"I could never give my child up for adoption!"

For my undergrad social work internship I spent the last year working with youth who have some pretty rough back grounds.

Just last month as my internship was coming to a close I was walking with one of the teenagers and she was excitedly telling me about all of her teenage friends who were pregnant. I should note, she has no idea that I am a birth mother. I asked her their ages and how she felt about them being mothers so young. She answered by saying she thought they were pretty young but they had a lot of help from her so they'll be fine. Then she went on to say "My mother told me that I am emotionally mature enough to have a baby but I am just not physically mature enough yet." 

She is fifteen!!!! I was floored! What fifteen year old do you know who is emotionally mature enough to raise a child? And for that matter what kind of mother would encourage her fifteen year old daughter to have a baby once she is physically ready? This isn't what my post is about so I digress.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor she says "my mother told me I will be a great mom! I am so good with kids! And I could NEVER give my child up for adoption! I just never could do a thing like that."

This wasn't the first time I have heard that and similar statements like, "I would never let my daughter give her child up." and "What kind of woman would give her child away?" There is a bit of a stigma when it comes to being a birth mom. I feel like so many people do not understand adoption and because of that do not appreciate the wonderful blessings it provides to every one involved.

So what kind of woman would place her child with another to raise as her own? 

Faith Ireland the supreme court justice is that kind of woman. 

Joni Mitchell the singer is that kind of woman.
The actress Kate Mulgrew is that kind of woman.
Rosanne Barr is that kind of woman.

A woman who loves her child more then herself

A woman who is smart
A woman who is probably a little weak
A woman who is strong
A woman who is selfless
A woman who wants to give more to her child then she can give on her own

It is good to keep in mind that Birth mothers are not perfect. They all place for various reasons and they all have various weaknesses. But they do love their child and they do have wonderful strengths. Adoption is not easy. It is one of the most devastating things I have ever experienced. However, it is the thing that has brought me the most joy! It has brought me the most blessings and because of it, I have felt the most love through the close bonds I share with not only the adoptive parents but the other birth mother in my little son's family.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A new purpose!

I originally started this blog a little over two years ago as a bit of therapy. I could share my story anonymously and heal from the telling of it. You can see from the 4 posts below how that went. It turned out to be much more emotionally draining then I thought it was going to be. I also stressed about making it worth while and entertaining to read. It soon became a forgotten blog on my blog roll. Whenever I would log into blogger I would see it there and think, "I really should write a post on that blog soon" and then would move on to post on my regular blog.

I have recently decided to dust off and revamp this blog and join the voices of birth mothers across the blogger community. I am a grad student studying social work and find myself working with unwed expectant mothers as well as recent birth mothers on a regular basis. My heart breaks as I hear their struggles and pains and I remember the first few years after I placed I wished so badly that I could talk to another birth mother. I wanted to know if the huge void and pain I was feeling would continue forever. My hope in writing this blog is that through sharing my experiences as a birth mother and the things that have helped me heal, women who are wondering the same thing I was wondering seven years ago will learn that things do get better. The love for your child will never go away but the pain will dull and life will get better.

My goal is to post at least once a week on subjects that have helped me heal and grow or on my current feelings about my own adoption.