Thursday, January 20, 2011

"I could never give my child up for adoption!"

For my undergrad social work internship I spent the last year working with youth who have some pretty rough back grounds.

Just last month as my internship was coming to a close I was walking with one of the teenagers and she was excitedly telling me about all of her teenage friends who were pregnant. I should note, she has no idea that I am a birth mother. I asked her their ages and how she felt about them being mothers so young. She answered by saying she thought they were pretty young but they had a lot of help from her so they'll be fine. Then she went on to say "My mother told me that I am emotionally mature enough to have a baby but I am just not physically mature enough yet." 

She is fifteen!!!! I was floored! What fifteen year old do you know who is emotionally mature enough to raise a child? And for that matter what kind of mother would encourage her fifteen year old daughter to have a baby once she is physically ready? This isn't what my post is about so I digress.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor she says "my mother told me I will be a great mom! I am so good with kids! And I could NEVER give my child up for adoption! I just never could do a thing like that."

This wasn't the first time I have heard that and similar statements like, "I would never let my daughter give her child up." and "What kind of woman would give her child away?" There is a bit of a stigma when it comes to being a birth mom. I feel like so many people do not understand adoption and because of that do not appreciate the wonderful blessings it provides to every one involved.

So what kind of woman would place her child with another to raise as her own? 

Faith Ireland the supreme court justice is that kind of woman. 

Joni Mitchell the singer is that kind of woman.
The actress Kate Mulgrew is that kind of woman.
Rosanne Barr is that kind of woman.

A woman who loves her child more then herself

A woman who is smart
A woman who is probably a little weak
A woman who is strong
A woman who is selfless
A woman who wants to give more to her child then she can give on her own

It is good to keep in mind that Birth mothers are not perfect. They all place for various reasons and they all have various weaknesses. But they do love their child and they do have wonderful strengths. Adoption is not easy. It is one of the most devastating things I have ever experienced. However, it is the thing that has brought me the most joy! It has brought me the most blessings and because of it, I have felt the most love through the close bonds I share with not only the adoptive parents but the other birth mother in my little son's family.

1 comment:

abby said...

As an adoptive mommy, I love reading your perspective!