After seven mother's days I have learned that I never know what the day is going to hold for me. There have been some mother's days where I could barely handle getting through the day and couldn't seem to shake the thoughts of my own motherhood given up. And then there have been some when I don't understand why people seem so concerned about me because the day was about my own mother and how grateful I am for her.
This year was good. I went to church ready to hear talks filled with how grateful people are for their mothers and how much they LOVE being a mother themselves. I didn't need to practice the I am happy and unaffected by what is being said act because I have that one down pat. I wore my cutest outfit like I always do, put on my birthstone necklace B's parents gave me at placement like I always do, and prepared to put on a show like I always do. I showed up and to my surprise the talks were about family history. The primary children got up to sing (which usually is something that makes the waterworks start for me) and they sang I am a Child of God rather then Mother Dear. I went to Sunday school and we talked about parables. I went to Relief society and we talked about honesty. It wasn't until the end of the meetings that the bishop came in with the mother's day gifts and talked about how grateful he was for the women of the church. Not mothers but the women. I turned to a sister sitting next to me and expressed how grateful I was that they did not make this day about mothers. She agreed.
But as the day progressed I started to think more and more about B and how much I missed him. I got antsier and antsier. I tried to keep busy thinking that would keep my mind off of the day. I went to a dear friend's house and had dinner with that friend, her six boys, my mother, and my sisters. I needed that. It was nice to have the hugs and attention from boys that I love and make me happy.
Later that night I got a text from B's Adoptive mother with pictures and videos of him and it made my day! It completely got rid of the struggle I had been fighting to keep my self from crying and I now could not stop smiling. I sure love that little boy and it makes me happy to see him. I am grateful for my own mother and what a wonderful support she is to me.
Some time's when I am answering ask a birth mother questions I talk about some of what it means to be a mother. Being a mother means you love someone more then your self. You begin to put the needs of another human being above your own wants and desires. You are called to do what is best for your child and provide them with the best life that you can. That is what I did for little B. I gave him the best life and parents that I possibly could at the time. I am so grateful for his wonderful Mother. I don't think there is a better person I could have chosen to be B's mom. I love her and look up to her very much. She loves her children and gives them the all love and security they need. She teaches them to be better people and has helped them to become wonderful kids. She creates a happy and healthy home for B and makes sure he knows just how much he is loved. I love you L. Thank you for being such a good example to me of what kind of mother I want to be.