Thursday, November 3, 2011

Placing my son in the river

When I was pregnant I know that the Lord was always near me. I know that he carried me through the pain and sorrows as well as joys and comfort I felt. I felt like during that time I was reading my scriptures and praying constantly. I was trying to find guidance. I was trying to find peace with what I felt the best decision was. I did wonder how I would be able to do it. How I would be able to bear placing my sweet little baby in the arms of another to watch him grow? My heart was broken by the thought but I felt it was the best thing for B. 

I remember that one night as I wondered why and how I could do this, the spirit reminded me of the story of Moses. As I read and thought about his story I could not help but empathize with Moses's biological mother. It was that night I truly understood the fear, the heartbreak, and the love that she had for her child as she placed him in the river knowing, because of the pharaoh's commands, he would not be able to live if she tried to raise him. I also understood the great faith that she had as she delivered her precious son into the Lord's care knowing this was the only way she could give him life. I am sure the Lord guided her and directed her in decisions because he had something great for Moses to do. I am sure the spirit gave her comfort and told her that he had wonderful things in store for Moses and that her sacrifice of letting him go to be another woman's son would bring great things for him.

Then the spirit comforted me. I was able to move forward with faith and cling to the thought that I was, in a small way, like Moses's mother. It gave me strength when things got hard and my heart felt utterly broken. It is a scary thing to let go of your child, but this story gave me the ability to have faith in the Lord that HE would care for B and everything would be alright. If he did it for that woman in the bible, I knew he would do it for me. It gave me comfort to think that I was placing B with C and L so that he would be able to fulfill the great things in store for him like Moses did. I don't think B will free a nation, but you never know. One thing is for sure, I know he will do great things. I am sure he will save souls and bring joy to the hearts of many people. I know he has already done that for mine. 


Anonymous said...

And mine.

Mom of "L"

Annie said...


Alli & Davin said...

I love this post.

Duncan Chronicles said...

I have really enjoyed reading through your blog. You are a great writer and it is good to understand some of the things birth parents feel through your writings.