Thursday, March 31, 2011

Birth Mother Support Group

It’s a little late but at 6 mst (8 pm east coast time) there is a birth mother support group on facebook. I am putting the information below but it is a wonderful thing. For those of you who are exploring your options or are a birthmother and would like to talk with other birthmothers….go get on facebook. I wont be there because I have class. (yes I am in class right now) The information is below! Have a wonderful day!

The support group will be held every 4th Thursday of the month on facebook. Search “LDSFS Expectant Parent/Birth Parent Support Group” and request to join because it will be a closed group (for obvious reasons). The dates of the group are are listed below. If you have any questions, please contact Shannon Lyon at 801-240-3096 or at sagerssd@ldschurch.org.

A borrowed post

About 6 months ago I wrote a few posts on my personal blog about adoption. It probably was what inspired me to start writing on this blog again. Anyway, I thought I would share it with you just for fun!

Some times I read The R House Blog. November is adoption awareness month and it's author has issued a challenge to celebrate by blogging about adoption everyday. When I read her challenge I knew there was no way I could blog everyday, but I decided I could blog at least once a week. I don't know if it is the lack of sleep or what but I am finding myself a bit emotional tonight. I have never spoken about adoption before on my blog and honestly I am at a loss as to what to say. It may be because this is something that is so close to my heart that I don't share my feelings about it very often if at all. The thought of talking about it on cyber space is a bit paralyzing. But I made the goal to take the challenge and so here it goes.....

I feel like I should write something quick and uplifting about adoption and then my goal is done for the week! With regards to the topic....This year has been a hard one for me. HA How is that up lifting? I am getting there. Yesterday as I was cleaning the kitchen, I couldn't help but think about how different my life could have been. I am usually pretty strong when it comes to this but sometimes.....you just can't help the what ifs. After my minute vacation on the other side of the fence I began to think of all of the joy in my life because a choice was made for adoption to be a familiar thing.

I feel very strongly that adoption blesses the lives of all parties involved.
For those who for whatever reason are hoping for children, adoption blesses them with the gift of parenthood. People often say that no other joy exceeds that of being a parent. Adoption gives that joy to couples who are not able to experience it otherwise.

For the birth parents who choose to place for adoption it gives them opportunities to provide their child with a home they always imagined for them. Although adoption is made with the welfare of the baby in mind it often allows the birth parents with opportunities to grow and develop in wonderful ways.

But most importantly adoption is a blessing for the child. In most cases the child is loved and adored by both a mother and a father in a stable home. That sweet child is often given every opportunity the adoptive couple can afford. That little baby not only has one family who thinks about them and prays for them, but they have two families who do that.

I wish I could express the joy that can come through adoption but I lack the words.

My heart is full when I think of how it has touched my life and the lives of those I love so dearly. I feel like in this society adoption is thought of as the easy way out and is very under appreciated. However adoption is probably one of the greatest tender mercies the Lord can provide. It requires a great amount of selfless love that in my opinion makes adoption a difficult choice but a huge miracle to the lives of so many people.

Adoption is an incredible gift and I truly am grateful for it's blessings in my life. It enriches my life daily and continues to refine and bless me.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

So much to carry!

I am on a bus to TN. We've been driving for 6 hours with about three more to go. So what better thing to do then blog? Right? I've been thinking a lot about how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. I am also thinking about a few of the young girls I know who currently have been finding out they are pregnant. My heart goes out to them. I mentioned in my last post the sisterhood of birth mothers and the instant love we feel for one another, but I also feel an instant love for those just finding out about their pregnancy and beginning their journey of choices. I dont think any unwed teenaged mother fully understands the emotional rollercoaster of a ride she is in for.

I remember when I first found out it didn't seem real. Sure I had missed my period, but there was no other indication I was pregnant. I wasnt sick, I wasnt showing, and I wasnt planning for this. I was unusually calm. I knew it was true but the reality of the situation hadn't quite set in. It wasnt until my mother asked me a question after I told her the news that it set in. "So what are you going to do?" I quickly gave her a few undeveloped thoughts only later to think "what AM I going to do?" I was 18 years old and graduated from high school. I had somethings going for me, but I didn't have a job. I didn't have a college degree, or a place to live, or even a ROOM of my own.

It was amazing to me how many people "knew" what the right thing was for my baby and how willing they were to tell me what I should do. I was overwhelmed with the judgements and the opinions. I felt torn between my family and my.....my....kind of boyfriend?. I also was weighed down but the new responsibility of caring for a new human being. Just a few months before, my biggest concern was what nail poslish to wear to graduation and if the boy who sat next to me liked me. Now it was getting enough sleep and nutrients for my baby. All of a sudden life was no longer about me. It was about giving my baby everything he needed.

What a weight it is to carry so young. It isnt until you have children of your own that you realize, you dont know everything and your parents were right about eatting those veggies. I completely understand the stress it is to be so young and have so much responsibility. It is so important to have someone to talk to and someone who will support you. The last thing a girl needs is judgement. The most important thing she needs is love and acceptance.

Although adoption isn't the answer for everyone, I am grateful for it in my life. When I honestly looked at it. And I mean HONESTLY. It was the way I was able to give my son everything I have ever wanted for him. It is not an easy thing do do. Adoption is not for the weak. I love my litte boy and still seven years after his birth would give my life for him. It warms my heart to see his smiles. Although it was the hardest choice for me it was the best choice for him.
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Friday, March 25, 2011

The Sisterhood

I have a little bit more energy tonight so I think I will write some more. Many may not know this but Meg is B's little sister's Birth Mother. So in case you didn't quite understand that last part, Meg and I both placed with the same couple. Basically I love her very much. Really we have only been together in person once, but she is like a sister to me.

 We have a special connection and I would do just about anything for this girl.  For those of you who do not read my personal blog, I have given up facebook for Lent. This means that my number one way of communicating with this cute girl is gone! So I don't talk to her as much and don't get to stalk her facebook wall anymore like I used to. I miss her. I saw her picture tonight and I thought, "oh, I love her". It reminded me of the other birth mothers I know who I love so nearly and dearly. 

You see, when you place a child for adoption, you enter into a special category. It is what I call "The Sisterhood".  You have a special experience that only those who have gone through placing for adoption can understand and truly appreciate. It bonds you together and you feel a closeness. I have never met a birth mother I didn't love. Have I met some I didn't want to be best friends with? Yes. But I have never met one I didn't feel an instant love and closeness to. It's a warm happy feeling when you meet a new birth mother. You know you are not alone. When you find this sisterhood there is a bit of relief. There are women out there you can cry with and express your fears, and anger, and joy with. It's a special sisterhood. A sacred sisterhood. 

My heart always goes out to those birth mothers who do not know any other birth mothers or about the sisterhood and carry their burdens alone. If you are one of them, please come join us! The sooner the better! All are welcome!

Just some thoughts for tonight

      I haven't posted for a while (I might explain my absence later) but I thought I would write a quick little note before going to bed. On my desk is a picture. It's a picture of cute little B at one year old. Every time I look at it my heart melts. I just want to kiss his cute cubby little cheeks. Seriously, I make cute babies! He's not a baby any more though. He is almost 7 years old and one really cute kid! As a one year old I thought he looked like me. I can see so many of my family's facial features in him. But now as he is growing he is starting to look more and more like his Birthfather. He has M's smile and as weird as it sounds, his earlobes. (if M were to read this he would swear he had my ears but I'm not budging on the earlobe thing) He has my forehead but that's all I can see of mine now. But what I love is to hear about his sweet personality! That he got from me! I may be a little biased but the stories about the cute little things he does remind me of me when I was a kid. Some people may not believe it but I actually had a really tender heart as a child. I could tease my siblings as good if not better then the rest of them, but I empathized with people really well.
     I love hearing how he cried inconsolably when he heard about the people in haiti because "he just wanted them to be happy like he was", or when wanted to hug his dog when watching 8 below and had to turn it off because it made him too sad. I love hearing that his Sunday school teachers think he is one of the best and most spiritually in-tune kids in the class. What a wonderful little boy he is! What an amazing Man he will be. What wonderful parents he has! It will be exciting to see where the future leads him. But for right now I am thinking about kissing his chubby little cheeks.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Guest Blogger- Jori

Im sorry I am like 3 weeks late getting this up. Life with 5 month old twin girls is rough but amazing!!
Thank you Deb for asking me to share my story. Your so amazing.  You were the first birth mom that I met and helped me with my healing process, even if it was only through emails. By the way... I am writing a book! It will be a collection of true stories. All about the wonderful gift of adoption. I would love to hear your story if you are a: * Birth mother * Adoptee * Adoptive parent Please email me your story. If you would like to remain anonymous that is up to you. Depending on how many stories I get, your story might be edited for space. If there is a large amount I will do more then one book. We will see. I am doing this for the one young girl who feels like no one has ever been in her shoes. Who feels like she has no options. Maybe if she reads my story or yours she will know what a blessing adoption is!! So pread the word...Let everyone who has been touched by adoption that this is their chance to be heard and to share their amazing story!!! email me at jorireid@hotmail.com.

Here is my story--

The article in the January 2008 Ensign magizine titled “Why Adoption?” touched my personal life so deeply I felt inspired by the Holy Ghost to share my story. After reading February’s 2009 article I could not put off writing it any longer. I just hope my story helps someone else going through what I went through.When you love someone unconditionally, you do what is best for them, not yourself. It was hardest lesson I ever learned, placing my daughter for adoption. It was also the best thing I have ever done. Early in 2008 a family knelt down for prayer in their home in Provo, Utah. During their prayer they told the Lord that they felt that their family was not yet complete and when he was ready to send them another baby they would be ready. They had no idea that their prayer would be answered so soon. The next night the couple received a phone call about a young woman in his home ward back in Delaware that was pregnant and thinking about adoption.
I found out in the beginning of February 2008 that I was pregnant. The news was more than I could handle. I was 20 years old and nearly done with my college education. I was so nervous to tell my parents. They had raised me in the gospel with strong values and morals. They were disappointed but love and cared for me. Adoption was already a big part of my life. I was adopted by my parents as a small baby. I knew the blessings that came from adoption, yet at the same time during my teenage years I found myself upset and angry with my birth mother that I never knew for giving me up and not wanting me. I now know how wrong I had been. I began to weigh all of my options. When I found out that I would be having a girl my heart was full of joy and excitement.
In June 2008 I had the most spiritual experience of my life. I met with the young man who lived in Utah with his family. They were friends of my family long before I was born. As I sat with him, he told me about his other two adopted children who I had met before and their stories. He told me how he and his wife would be honored to raise my daughter. It was finally my turn to speak. My chest began to burn and tears filled my eyes as I tried to talk. I was having doubts about adoption after finding out the baby was a girl. At that moment all of my doubts faded and I knew from that instant that he and his wife were meant to raise my baby for this life and eternity. By the end of the meeting we all were crying. Not only were their prayers answered, but mine were as well. I will never forget that tremendous testimony building experience as long as I live.
The last five months of my pregnancy flew by before my eyes and it was October before I knew it. I was writing emails to the family in Utah keeping them updated with my doctor’s appointments and even sent a few pictures of my growing belly. Knowing they were unable to have children of their own my heart went out for them. I wanted to make the experience about them instead of me, since they have never been able to witness their other two children’s births. I decided that I wanted them both in the room when she was born and I wanted the adopted father to cut her umbilical cord. I threw his wife a baby shower just days before the baby arrived. It was all so wonderful. The women in my ward showed me such kindness and service, never judging. They all were in attendance at the baby shower.
Two days later Talia arrived. All that I asked was that I get to spend those two days in the hospital with her and then she could go with them. Those two nights were a mixture of joy and sadness. I was so happy that she was finally here, yet sad because I knew that she would be leaving me shortly. From the time I found out I would be placing her for adoption to stay focused I kept a journal that I wrote in everyday of my pregnancy up until after she was born telling her how much I loved her, what she meant to me and why I choose adoption. I gave it to her parents who agreed to give it to her when she was older. I thought since I knew I would be placing her for adoption five months before she was born it would be so simple. I was wrong. I held her as much as I could, studied all her little features and tried to memorize them. They stayed a week after she was born and brought her over for my family to see her a lot. I didn’t know it was possible to love something so little so much. When they left our house and drove to the airport if felt like a piece of me was going with them. I did not think it would be so difficult to watch her go. In my heart I knew I was doing the right thing and my family was such a huge support to me.
About a month after she was born my mom and I flew out to Utah to sign my rights away and to visit. Signing my name at the bottom of that paper was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Leaving her that time was harder than the first. But since then I have received many pictures of her and updates about her and the family. How eternally grateful I am that she has two of the greatest parents Heavenly Father could possible have given her.
In June of 2009 my number one goal for her came true, they took her to the temple in Utah and had her sealed as apart of their family for all time and eternity. What a great blessing it is for me to know that I helped another daughter of God find her eternal family. That gives me such great joy that I cannot express. The song by Michael McLean called “From God's Arms, to my Arms, to Yours” sums up my entire story. I feel so strongly that she came to earth through me, but not to me. I now know that Heavenly Father does not make mistakes. Talia was sent at this time for a reason. She has changed my life forever. She helped me see life in a whole new light and change the way I was living. She saved me along with the great and powerful atonement of Jesus Christ. The road to repentance can be long and not easy but I testify that it is so worth it in the end. I am so grateful for the love that Jesus offers me and I know that he will always be there for me in my time of need. I am indeed grateful for this experience that I went through because it has taught me numerous things. I know adoption is not for everyone but it has certainly blessed my life beyond measure. I have been truly blessed since 2008. I found my birth mother week of Mothers Day 2009 and we have a amazing relationship that grows daily. November of 2009 I married my best friend in the Washington DC Temple and we now I have been blessed to be the mother I was suppose to be to my twin girls who are now 5 months old.
 How blessed I have been for making the right choice.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Tonight

     I miss my baby tonight. It is not a feeling that is overwhelming but it just makes me a little lonesome. I was looking at the picture on the side of my blog and that's what did it. I sure do love him and wish he were here. But the person I miss is a little baby. The one I held in my arms seven years ago. I miss the one I cuddled and cared for during the two days we spent together in the hospital. Not the wonderful active seven year old boy that baby has grown into. I love that little boy with all my heart, but he is not the one I know and remember. When I think of my son the first image I have is the baby in the hospital because that is the boy I knew. Not the active little soccer player he is today. None the less, I love him and I miss him. I just hope he knows how wonderful he is and how much he fills my heart with joy.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Dear B

I sat down to write in my journal but wrote a letter to B instead. Here are a few things that I wrote to him and then to his parents. (I left a few personal things out but you can still get the gist.)

Dear B,
I have been thinking about you a lot lately and so I thought I would write you a letter to let you know that I love you. There have been a lot of changes in my life and with each change I think more and more of you. I hope you know how wonderful you are and how much you are loved. You make me so proud when I hear all of the things your mom tells me you are doing. What a special boy you are! I love you so much! You bring my heart joy every time I think about you. I am so glad you are in this world! You motivate me to be a better person and always try to make correct choices.
Thank you for showing your parents and sister so much love. Thank you for being such a happy boy. I love hearing about how you are doing in school, and in sports, and with your friends! I am excited for you to grow and develop into the wonderful man I know you will be! I just adore you so much! Please always remember how much you are loved and how great you are! You sure do bring lots of happiness to lots of people! I hear that starting a new grade with a different, not so loving teacher was a little hard for you. I hope things are going better now. Hang in there B. I hope that you will be able to love school and know how smart you are! Some times things are not easy but I know that if you keep going you can get through it! I love you very much!

With love,
Your Birth mom

Hey Guys!
B has been on my mind a lot lately so I wrote him a letter. I am afraid it might be a lot like the last one I sent, but it's how I feel. I hope you guys remember how much I love you two. I am grateful Heavenly Father brought me to your profile. What a blessing! When I think of all the things that were put into place to bring us together, it reminds me that Heavenly Father sure does have a plan for each of us and he knows what he is doing. I sure do love you guys! I just had a thought about how adoption is hard and emotional for all parties involved. But it sure is worth it! I hope you are doing well!

Love,
Me.