Monday, May 7, 2012

10-4 Good Buddy: Just a fun post about nothing.

Do you feel like this year has been none stop craziness, events, and tests? I do! And it's only May! Maybe it was grad school or maybe it is the significance of this year. I don't really know. But I am looking forward to the coming months full of no homework and much less stress. To kick that off I stayed in bed until 10:30 (I am a little ashamed to admit that one) and answered questions found on Abby's blog for her 10-4 series. Click on the picture of her adorable son below to read her post and responses of many others. Enjoy! And happy reading!

1. What is one quirky thing about you?

I can not stand to hear someone make a request without following it up with "Please". My family used to call me the politeness Nazi. --Or maybe it was the grammar Nazi. That is until I started using Ebonics.-- Either way, anytime I hear someone (usually my Father) make a request with out a certain magic word, I help them out and follow up with a "please". I can't help it. It's a natural reflex.

2. What does your perfect date look like?  {Not the person...the activity} 

The perfect date that comes to mind is one I have already been on. It always must include someone that I enjoy being around and am comfortable with. We were hiking/walking around beautiful trails and paths in the hills of southern Virginia. We held hands and my date listened to me talk and talk and talk and talk about life, my ideals, and what I imagined happened in the abandon shack we came across. He was and still is such a patient man. Then we came to a swimming hole called panther falls.
We laughed and talked and hung out on the rocks. That is until my date threw me in. I was not about to take that I the man was pulled in right after me. We splashed each other and swam around for a while, until an old couple came and thought he was drowning me. It was the perfect day spending time playing and enjoying the company of someone I enjoy.

3. What is your favorite picture from last month {April}? 

This picture was taken by Tessa Cordova. I wont even start on how much I love about that woman. This was taken at my best friend's wedding. We were playing around and being silly while Tessa, the photographer, was snapping away. I love this girl and am so happy she is happy!

4. What are your top 3 favorite TV shows? 

The celebrity apprentice 
The Amazing Race
....I can't think of a third because I really don't watch much TV unless it's Sunday night and I am with my mother. Hence the two listed above.

5. What is your favorite outdoor activity?

It's a toss up between playing at the beach or hiking in beautiful mountains. I get a high from both!

6. What is the last movie you saw?   

Better off Dead....No comment. 

7. Look up from your computer right now.  What is the first thing you saw?  

I will show you. It's not too exciting.
My jewelry, temple pictures, place card from another wedding, family birthday lists, and picture.

8. What area in your life are you working on improving right now?

How much time do you have? I am trying to improve the spiritual part of my life and strengthen my relationship with the spirit and receiving revelation. Oh and I am also trying to learn patience. (Never has been my forte)

9.  What is your favorite post that you wrote last month?  

Confession: I have been a TERRIBLE blogger this year. I only wrote one post last month so it makes my decision easy. Perfect Moment Monday. It is on my personal blog. One day I may merge the two. One day. It was wonderful to take a moment away from the things I needed to do and talk to my best friend.

10. What would be your dream job?

I have my dream job! Unfortunately it doesn't go along with what I just got my degree in at all and I am taking some time off (two years) to get the hours I need to be an LCSW. My dream job: I am staging houses with the fabulous Kristi Birch, owner of Energizing Spaces. I love the instant gratification that comes from making a home beautiful!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Roundtable #37: After a Visit

The roundtable question for this post is: How do you feel after a visit?

My adoption is a semi-open adoption. I have only had a few visits with B, but they all have been great and I loved each one. The first two visits were within the first two years after placement. The other two visits were just last year. There was a distinct difference between my reactions from the first two and the second two.

B was one year old for our first visit. My grandpa and I met him and his parents for dinner at a near by restaurant. I loved seeing them and catching up. I was amazed at how completely ok I was being there with him and his parents. Then we said our goodbyes. My grandpa is more of the "walk it off" type of comforter, so I held back the tears until I was safe inside my own room. I was glad none of my roommates were home because as soon as I closed the door, the tears came. I was absolutely heart broken. I felt like a mother and yet I had no child. My body hurt and my heart hurt even more. I felt like I was starting the grieving I had done all over again. I couldn't breath and wasn't even sure if I wanted to.

The second visit was 7 months later at my sister's wedding. While he was there I did great! It was so wonderful to see him! I felt a little awkward and kept my distance for fear of over stepping my boundaries or seeming like I was too eager to be around him. The result of the visit was similar to the first but a little better. It was a little easier to cope and a little easier to breath. I stopped crying sooner and received more comfort.

The most recent visits happened within the same week. I was very nervous. It is silly because I feel very close to C and L and we have a wonderful relationship! But I was nervous because I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know what was going to happen during the visit. I didn't know if B would know who I was. And I didn't know how I was going to feel afterwards. That was what I was scared of the most. None the less, there was no way I was going to turn down a visit with B. I can't think of a single thing that would keep me from taking the chance to visit with him. Like always, I thoroughly enjoyed both visits while they were happening. And after the visits? I felt absolutely wonderful! Instead of wanting to cry, I wanted to cheer! Instead of my heart feeling heavy, it was light! I was energized and felt great! I was so grateful for the opportunity to be included in the adoptive family's lives for those two evenings.

I've wondered about what caused the two very different reactions after the first and the last visits with B and his family. After months of pondering....I know, it takes me a long time to figure things out. I have decided it is because with the first visits every thing was still so fresh. I was still actively healing from placement. I loved the visits 100% and would never change having them just because I was still "actively healing", but the timing, I feel is the difference. After almost 8 years I feel much more comfortable now with myself, my adoption, and the choices I have made and the way everything has turned out.

So to simply answer that question, I don't know. I am still wandering through this journey called adoption. Sure, I hit bumps or get lost now and then but I am far enough down the road that I don't look back as often. I have much more practice at coping when the memories and feelings from the beginning of my journey come flooding back. Right now I am grateful that I can say I love and enjoy every part of visits! Who knows what the future holds but I sure treasure the memories I have of the visits with B and his fun family.