Monday, June 11, 2012

Birth Mother's Day

Although it's been 3ish weeks I wanted to take a moment and write about my mothers day and birth mother's day. Birth Mother's day has never been big for me. In fact, I didn't even know it existed until about 3 years ago. 4 tops. I thought the holiday was a great idea but every year it seemed to sneak up on me. Usually half way through the day I remember that it is Birth Mother's Day and I am already full swing into other activities that I think, "Great. It's birth mother's day and I forgot again. I'll remember next year." Then I continue with whatever I was doing that day.

This year I remembered! This year I marked it on my calendar and was planning on it. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was going to do something special this year for the first time. The Sunday before BMD I was at church chatting with friends before I went home. The sweetest little 8 year old came running up to me and handed me a square envelope with my name on it. (Actually it said Deborah {Insert last name of my ex-boyfriend from the ward}. But what can I say? She's 8 and there is only a two letter difference between our last names. It made me laugh out loud though)

Oh, you want to know what was in the envelope? It was a personal invitation to her baptism that coming Saturday. Birth Mother's Day. I was touched that she had personally invited me and so I was definitely going to go. That Saturday I made sure I left work in time to make it to her baptism. It was not lost on me that it was BMD and in two months B would be turning 8. It was a beautiful baptism but I could not stop my mind from wondering. As I listened to this 8 year old's mother give a talk and teach her daughter, watched her older sister lead the music, and finally witnessed her father baptize her, I wondered about B's baptism. Would he be baptized on the same day as other children or would he have his own? Will L speak? Will his grandma sing a song? I sat there imagining his special day. I watched the whole thing play out in my mind's eye, from the fabulous talks to the sweet moment when his father baptized him.

This year I have thought a lot about B's baptism. It is one of those hallmark years I talked about in this post. But at that moment on Birth Mother's Day was a moment that I wished so badly I could be a fly on the wall or that I knew where I put my darn invisibility cloak so I could silently sneak in the back of B's baptism, experience the beautiful event, and then silently sneak out.

The rest of the day went really fast and I don't remember it quite as clearly as that moment. I went to the Washington DC LDS Temple visitor's center to watch a Polynesian dance performance (can I just say, I should have been Polynesian) and spent the night at a friend's house. Over all I had a good day and enjoyed spending time with friends I love and adore. Next year I am going to try even harder to take time out of the day for myself. This year I didn't really do that although I actually remembered it was BMD. I have mixed emotions about celebrating Birth Mother's Day because it makes me feel like I don't qualify for Mother's day. I know it is strange. I know it is silly. I know I should write more about those feelings but I will save that for another post down the road. I feel like I am leaving this post only half way done but it's long enough and I want to go watch a movie.

1 comment:

Monika said...

I celebrate both BMD and Mother's Day despite the fact that I'm not parenting my daughter. I spend BMD with other birthmothers celebrating who we are as people and the kids we relinquished, and then I celebrate Mother's Day too. This is why I don't want BMD on the calendar - I think it will give society as a whole an excuse to separate us from the "real" moms. So I'd encourage you next year to see if you can spend the day honoring your son with other bmoms, and the next day count yourself in with the other moms too. Because you ARE a mom.